Today is September 11th. I was planning on helping with an event this morning, but at the last minute decided against it. This evening I was planning on attending a memorial event, but I’m not going to go. In previous years when I was still active in my organization, I participated in their 9/11 events, but it just makes me too mad and too sad.
It’s been eight years since, but I still remember that day so clearly. Today while getting ready to go plant flags in the south mall of the campus, I remembered Mrs. Reinhart, my language arts teacher. I remember exactly where I was sitting in her class when the announcement came over the PA system, instructing the teachers to check their e-mail. It was in her class that the television was turned on, and we watched the towers fall. Mrs. Reinhart was never my favorite teacher and it took me a while to think of her name, but I will probably always remember her simply because of that day.
So even though I was awake at 4:30 this morning, I decided not to go. I don’t think I would have been able to take it. I was still planning to go to the event tonight, but due to rain, they’ve moved it inside to an auditorium. Indoors, I’d feel suffocated and would probably end up running out crying like I did a few years ago. Then they’d all look at me with their sad eyes. And then I’d get mad that they didn’t seem sad. September 11, 2001, changed everyone and everything, but you would never guess it walking around campus – is that hopeful or depressing? As I passed by the display of flags that I was supposed to help with, I heard someone ask about their significance.
In short: I’m better left alone today, because otherwise I might either cry or yell at you.
[NOTE: This post originally appeared on a now-deleted blog and is reposted here for my own sake.]