i just can’t take it

I’ve been told that I’m really sensitive. I’ve been told that I cannot hide my emotions at all. And then I’ve had people tell me that I’m an excellent liar. I’ve had someone tell me that it looks like I live a charmed life. I’ve had a teacher tell me that the phrase “still waters run deep” describes me. Basically what all of my rambling boils down to is that I just want to scream at someone, but I don’t … because part of me just will not let myself let go like that.

It’s the third week of school and already I feel like I might randomly snap and strangle someone. It’s happened before; it really might happen again. I know everyone has those moments when he/she feels out of place, completely misunderstood, like an outsider. And it might be better for me to speak up rather than merely letting things show on my face or build up inside until something bad happens. But I guess I trained myself a long time ago and old habits are hard to break.

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getting back into the swing

[NOTE: This post originally appeared on a now-deleted blog and is being re-posted here for my own sake.]

So … I’m pretty much settled in by now. I moved in about one month ago and my room is pretty much set up, but I might buy a few more things in the upcoming weeks. Graduate school is really quite time consuming, not with busy work assignments like in undergraduate, but there are so many readings to do for each class that it takes a lot of effort to keep on top of them all. Two weeks in and I’m already not doing too well at that.

I’m not too fond of how my room looks decoration-wise, but it’ll slowly get there. I like to keep myself busy with little crafts and tasks to give myself something to do when I need a break from all the reading. I’m currently working on a short story for a challenge swap, and the other day I bought two canvases (really cheaply from Michaels) and I want to do some kind of ink drawing on them. We’ll see. I need to get some photos printed out … which I’ve been saying for the last month.

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Back in Austin I had a shelf that was devoted to clear glass bottles, and I’ve started doing the same to my windowsill here. I hate throwing away bottles, and I like the look of them when they’re all different sizes and the light hits them. When there get to be too many I’ll recycle them, but for now they’re creating a little family on the sill.

Ugh … alrighty then, I guess I should get back to reading now. From now on, if you see a post from me, you can go ahead and assume I’m procrastinating, so feel free to chide me back into being a responsible student.

two weeks in

Second week of school is over and I’m already behind in readings … yikes. I need to get into more of a routine. Things are going fine, I’ve finally figured out which classes I’ll be taking and which ones I’ll be auditing. And after some switcheroo with the roommates, we’ve finally got things set and we’re pretty much done buying stuff (well, done buying the necessary stuff). Amazon Prime is wonderfully addictive!

The weather’s getting pretty cool, so I’m going to try and get to Central Park as often as I can while it’s still not too cold. And I still have to check out all the museums. Although I really need to get some closed-toe shoes, because I have a feeling I won’t be able to wear my flip-flops for too much longer.

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why is a raven like a writing desk?

First day of school – over and done. Not too exciting. What was fun was a few days ago. I walked all around Central Park and I probably only saw a small fraction of what’s there. Somehow my experience of New York so far has not matched up to my expectations … in a good way. People here are pretty nice, there’s actually a lot of space, and streets are fairly clean. I guess after having experienced Shanghai, my expectations were lowered.

The subway system isn’t as nice as Shanghai’s, but in some ways it’s better because there weren’t any people touching me. The subways here are clean, but in a “we scrubbed this entire place down with bleach, so it ain’t getting any better than this” way rather than a “spic-and-span new” kind of clean. Still, it was fine. What was annoying was all the noise and all the jolting. Good gracious, I started getting nauseous.

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