the upcoming election and what it’s revealed

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For anyone who’s read more than two posts on this blog has realized, I don’t offer much personal information on here. I don’t use full names. I generally talk about places and events rather than the specifics of my life. You can easily glean some information about where I live, went to school, and what kind of work I do, and probably have an idea about my personality and what I care about, but I try to stay away from current events and issues like politics. But … I just gotta chime in.

This election is driving me nuts. So forgive me, but I feel the need to rant. Last year, when Trump announced his run for president, I was living in Shanghai. All my non-American friends were joking about how crazy it was and what it would be like if Trump was president. I laughed it off, because Trump as president? What a complete joke. It was a complete farce. At this point, however, it’s no longer funny. It’s just frightening and saddening and frustrating. Was I living in a blissfully ignorant bubble before? I never knew there was so much hatred and divisiveness in this country. I never realized how close-minded, how naive, how sinfully prideful, and how ill-informed so many Americans are about how the government works and what’s actually going on in the world. Are Americans truly the “stupid, uncultured Americans” that the rest of the world stereotypes us as?

This evening I was on the phone with a very fast-talking man who was taking a survey for CNN. Normally I don’t bother with phone surveys, but since I’m just chilling at home and this election cycle has made me so aggravated, I answered. Who am I voting for? Hillary. What is your opinion of Trump? Unfavorable. What is your opinion of Hillary? Unfavorable. Who do I trust more? Oy. I reluctantly answered: Hillary. Who shares my values more? I couldn’t pick one. Neither. Do you think Trump’s comments in that video are reflect his opinions as a whole? Yes. Are you registered? Yes. With a party? Republican. Position? Conservative.

I vote on the issues. Honestly, I do. So it might seem weird, maybe even blasphemous to some hardcore right-wingers that I’m crossing the aisle. But I’m not alone. Yes personality is playing a role in my opinion, but position is far more important to me. To put it simply, Trump’s positions are not only infeasible, but dangerous. I’m not voting for Hillary as much as I’m voting against Trump. I’m not voting for liberal policies as much as I’m voting to avoid World War III. To avoid nuclear war. To avoid the loss of foreign alliances. To avoid a downfall of our national security. To avoid a civil war. To avoid a collapse of our economy. To avoid a loss of progress and talent. To avoid martial law and riots and internal destruction. To avoid a culture of fear and distrust. I’m voting to maintain the tenuous balance we have now. To maintain a semblance of rationality. To give us some stoppage time to re-evaluate.

On Sunday I watched the second presidential debate with some friends. All of them are Democrats except for one. My Republican friend and I commiserated. He’s not voting. He said he can’t vote for someone who he doesn’t believe in, a position which I respect, but can’t bring myself to hold. It is extremely disheartening to cast my vote for Hillary Clinton when I don’t want her to be president, but my desire to keep Trump away from the presidency outweighs my desire to vote for someone I believe in. And that makes me truly, truly sad. During the debate I was muttering and yelling and stress eating like mad. And mostly at Trump, at a guy who is supposed to be “my” candidate and represent “my” side. My Democrat friends, not all of whom are Hillary supporters, were also complaining throughout the debate, but even if they don’t wholeheartedly endorse Hillary, they’re still on board with the broad strokes. They may sympathize with my situation of voting for someone I’m not gung-ho about, but I don’t know if they fully understand the internal conflict, to have someone you are so against be labeled “your” candidate. I usually don’t get so worked up about the election, because although I disagree with the liberal position, I see their stance, I understand their logic, and I respect the candidates as people. I just usually disagree with fundamental ideas of what constitutes an unalienable right, or to what degree equality can or should be enforced, or how much faith you can place in people’s innate goodness. But I have always seen most candidates as people striving to improve this country who just happen to have different ideas than my own. I can’t say the same for Trump.

As much as I am a proud conservative and believe in low taxes, small government, and states’ rights, the United States of America is a nation for a reason. The federal government exists for a reason and it has its role. In today’s global economy with global issues of terrorism and refugee crises and political upheavals every which way, we may look to the protectionist, closed-border, xenophobic idea as one that would solve all our problems. And, like communism, it does seem great. But, like communism, it’s perfect only in theory. How do you expect our multinational corporations to function? How do you expect a nation built upon immigration and diversity to function? How do you expect the United States of America to give up on its own American dream? How do you lose so much hope that you give in to the fear?

feeling a tad trampled on

And … I am once again feeling overwhelmed. What an uncomfortable yet familiar feeling. Ah thesis, how you torment me. How you so insistently crush my soul!

The statue is from the Ulysses S. Grant Memorial near Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. Basically I stood under the statue and took a picture up at the horses hanging over me. Heh.

Oh, and today is St. Patrick’s Day, when everyone is supposedly Irish. It’s spring break. Am I out drinking and having fun? No. I did laundry. I went to school. I went to the library. I worked in studio. The end.

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how’s that thesis going?

For those who are unaware, I am currently in the midst of my final year of graduate school, which is also known as the thesis year. So yes, I am working on my thesis. And … I’ve been working on it for the last month and I’ve already developed a love-hate relationship with it. I love the topic (because I chose it) but I hate the process (because it’s sucking the life out of me). Just … oh my gosh. Though I really do not like the library, that place has become a second home. There is always way too much to do.

The below pictures are of the Terracotta Warriors in Xi’an (Shaanxi Province), China, and I am using them to illustrate my deteriorating state of mind and my growing feelings of doom and destruction.

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