keeping my kitchen clean

I am three months behind on my timesheets. The last few weeks (months?) have been busy at work. Because there’s a lot of work to do. Although I do have a team, we have different roles and responsibilities, so for the most part I act as a team of one. Yay me. (Despite what may sound like complaining, I do like what I do, which is why I still do it.)

When things get busy at work, some life stuff tends to fall off the to-do list. And while some people may consider eating a priority, I’ve always been more of a “eat to live” rather than “live to eat” person, and when I’m busy or stressed, I’m more of a “forget to eat” rather than “stress eat” person. So I wasn’t eating regularly. So I tried Factor. (This is by no means an ad or sponsored post, but if you do want to try it, you can click here.)

In the past I’ve tried Blue Apron, but I didn’t like it because of all the waste (all the packaging) and the fact that it still required a fair bit of time and prep. I can cook, but I’m not good at it and I don’t particularly enjoy it, so meal kits like Blue Apron only reduced the shopping time and the meal planning, and in the end didn’t feel worth it. So anyhow, I got a coupon to try Factor (I think it was included in a package I had ordered) so I figured, why not? It’s also a meal kit, but they’re premade meals that are basically glorified TV dinners (although fresh not frozen), so it seemed like a good life-sustaining option with high convenience factor. The packaging doesn’t feel as wasteful either, since the cardboard sleeves and plastic trays are recyclable.

I opted for ten meals a week, and it is pricey—without discount it works out to about $13 a meal, which isn’t ridiculous (given that I’m in New York and takeout can also be pretty pricey), but it’s certainly no comparison to cooking for myself. The Factor food, however, is rather tasty, good flavor and texture. Even though the dishes can be a bit hit or miss, I’ve finished all of them and they’re better than what I usually cook for myself. I might reduce the number of meals per week, which would raise the per unit cost, but we’ll see. Another concern is the reliability of their shipping. My first shipment arrived fine. The second shipment was sent to the wrong building.

What I find kind of … uncomfortable? … is how much I like the service. I don’t know why I tend to guilt myself over things like this, but I’m trying to get over it. Part of me is like: “Uh, seriously, you can’t even make your own food? Are you really that lazy? Just throwing away money like that?” And the other part of me is like: “Hey you’ve probably eaten more calories this past week with Factor than the week prior. You’re saving yourself so much time and aggravation by having someone else feed you. And you can afford it, so what’s the big deal?” I’m probably Factor’s target demographic—single professional who can’t really cook but is trying to eat healthy—and based on how well these meal kit companies are doing, I guess there’s a lot of us. That’s comforting, but it’s also kind of a sad statement for society that there are so many of us who are so busily working that we have basically lost the ability to properly feed ourselves. Eh. Oh well. I’m being fed, so I guess that’s good.

update. this is now.

It has been a year since I last posted, and two years since I last posted regularly. And you know what? I almost feel guilty saying it, but I haven’t had a bad pandemic. People have lost their jobs, the world went/is going through a global crisis, Russia invaded Ukraine … but in my middle-class white-collar life? It’s been okay. And … it’s a bit surreal, but it’s actually been okay. I’m not saying this to brag. I know the world is different now. I acknowledge that I live a relatively privileged bubbled life. But this is my truth, and my truth isn’t all that bad, nor is it all that unique. And I can’t help feeling a bit guilty about that even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m just saying that for a fairly large segment of the US population, of which I belong, there were challenges and strifes, but … at the end of the day, they were manageable. I didn’t lose my job; I was able to get a higher paying job. I didn’t lose shelter; I was able to live and work pretty comfortably in my place. I didn’t lose any family members; I gained a few—a cat (see photo below) and a niece. In fact, although I’ve had a few friends and multiple co-workers who got COVID, none of my family members or I have ever tested positive. Despite the travel advisories, I’ve traveled internationally twice and domestically multiple times. I don’t know what it is. It just is what it is.

So yes, life is different in March 2023 than it was March 2021, when shit hit the fan and what I thought would be one or two weeks of work from home became something so much different. But I’m also not going to pass value judgements on how much worse the world is now, because I don’t think that serves any purpose. The world is different, and the world is always going to be different from one day to the next, from one crisis to the next. And it’s cliché how often people say it, but we are getting to a “new normal.” It is what it is. It’s not right, it’s not wrong, it just is. And goodness knows I know that sounds pretentious as heck, but that’s how I approach it, how I stay sane. Nothing I say or do will change that larger picture. But at the same time, I’m not going to tell anyone to “get over it,” because people have had real challenges that need to be acknowledged. Just don’t worry about me. Because even if it seems like I’ve fallen off the face of this earth, chances are, I’ll be okay.

NOTE: For anyone wondering, I was able to find a new home for Earl where he has a companion cat to help him socialize, and he has been doing well. My new cat (who I adopted in June) is an older cat who is used to being an only cat, is lazy as heck, sheds like heck, and coughs up hairballs like heck, but who I adore.

magic milk straws

I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning at home, and I found these Milk Magic Straws that I bought … a few years ago? I had gone to Economy Candy with a friend visiting from out of town, and she pointed them out. Since I had never heard of them before, I bought them. And then forgot about them.

Then I found them. And tried them. And ya know what? They’re pretty fun … at least in the few minutes that they lasted. The Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor was yummy, added a nice hint of flavor to the milk, but if I really wanted flavored milk, there are probably powders out there that would impart more flavor. Nice little novelty straws and a fun surprise finding them while cleaning, but I’ll be returning to my regularly scheduled programming of plain white lactose-free milk.

i am now surrounded by scaffolding

Well 2021 is going great so far, ain’t it? American democracy is under attack. COVID-19 is still spreading. And if that’s not enough—if it’s not enough that I already spend 95% of my time within my one-bedroom apartment—now I feel even more penned in. By scaffolding. Ah New York!

There is now scaffolding all up around my building. I’m thinking it’s for façade inspection/repairs as required by Local Law 11, and that’s all well and good, except wow I didn’t realize how annoying or creepy it could be! Normally I’d be at the office during construction hours, but now I’m working from home and having to deal with construction. Mostly noise. But now construction workers. Nothing against the workers themselves, but since they’re on the scaffolding working on my building …

So I’m working away, then I turn my head and BOOM. There’s a person standing outside my window. Sheer curtains, so I just see a human-shaped shadow. It’s kinda shocking. Then I go to the kitchen and BOOM. Person out the window. No curtains on that window and we awkwardly make brief eye contact. Then I go to the bathroom and BOOM. Person out the window. Only the bottom half of my windows are frosted, so they can still look in from above. Er … so I retreat and wait until they move around to the other side of the building before I can use the restroom. Why oh why do I not have more substantial window dressings? Because who the heck would’ve expected to see PEOPLE RIGHT THERE when you live on a high floor?

Anyway, of all the things going on in 2021, this is a trivial complaint. They’re doing their jobs, and it’s good that the building’s façade is getting checked. But I’m too tired to talk about anything serious, so this is what I shall latch onto. There’s too much serious going on, I just wanna get lost in a formulaic K-drama and go to sleep. Happy 2021!

snow/slush v. tropical wonderland

It snowed on Wednesday! And when I say “snowed” I mean it full on SNOWED. There’s still snow on the ground, although now it’s more of that nasty snow/slush/street mixture. Ah, piles of dirty snow—the true sign of winter in New York City. But I’m not here to talk about what’s happening outside (although I did take a break from work to make a snowman with the fresh snow, which was very fun). I’m here to brag about my monstera deliciosa, that oh so trendy of plants.

Meet Mandy. I have had this plant for two … maybe three years? It started out as three little leaves, each maybe six inches long, no splits, no holes. And now it lives up to its name. It is a full on monster, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Because even though it’s freezing outside, and there’s snow piled up on my balcony, on this side of the glass, I have a freakin’ tropical plant living its best life.

I just love that juxtaposition of winter outside and my monstera inside. There’s a reason why I, as well as many millennials, are plant-obsessed, and it’s quite the obvious answer. Because unlike other aspects of my life, I have control over this plant and it thrives under my care and its growth is a visible sign that I’m doing something right and that I’m not entirely a black hole of wallow and despair. Woot! But really, I like it because it hasn’t died.

Everyone who comes to my apartment thinks I’m some kind of green thumb, but really it’s just that I get good light and I water my plants regularly. That’s about it. Oh, and I repot them. My monstera, for example, started out in a 6″ plastic container and is now in its … fourth? pot, which is 15″ in diameter. These things are actually super easy and fast growers, so I can’t take all the credit. But I totally will. Because this plant is amazing. (Shoutout to my pothos marble queen in the top left!)

it’s been a bit

It’s currently raining outside—heavily. It’s already November now and it’s amazing/unnerving how much time has passed. The weather’s turning chilly, and outside the thunderstorm is battering my windows and is causing my walls to make concerning creaking sounds. But that’s just how it goes. That’s how this year has gone so far.

I live in an apartment building in New York City. The building has stood for decades, and it’s not going to crumble due to some rain, but one can’t help but wonder if. New York City is an international city, a place of business and commerce, a symbol of progress and prosperity. But this pandemic has shown its weaknesses, has shown it falter. The streets were empty for a time, emptier than I’d ever seen—emptier in the day than I’d seen in evenings previous—but more than the lack of people presence, it was the loneliness. It was the prevailing fear in the air, the uncertainty and unease that permeated the city. That permeated my mind. This strong city. Me. The pandemic showed its cracks.

I’m not an optimistic person by nature. People who meet me usually think I’m an optimist, an extrovert … at least at first. But that’s all learned and faked, through my experiences moving to new cities and meeting new people, through getting thrown into the world of marketing and figuring out the art of selling, through networking and making small talk. It’s a very well-developed “work voice” that I’ve learned to rely on for my own sanity, but it also terrifies me how comfortable I am putting on that mask and pretending that everything is fine. I hope for the future, and I hope that all will be well, and I hope that we’ll all recover our sense of safety and stability. But a large part of myself also can’t help but chide myself for being so naive.

But then I hope that maybe part of that happy mask has found its way into becoming part of my true face. After all, if gardening has taught me anything, it’s that nature always finds a way. Change will come, whether we want it to or not, and there’s only so much agency we truly have, so there’s no use trying to exert control over things we can’t control. I don’t know what the future will hold, and honestly, I try not to think too much these days, as it only causes me more stress and turmoil—more than I can handle. I see the cracks in my well-worn façade and hope it won’t shatter, because I like that face, and I’m not ready to let it go. I comfort myself not in the hope of the better, but in the reality that life will continue, in one way or another.

lapin lapin, no lapins in my garden

Happy September! Fall is just around the corner … le sigh. Fall already?

Lately I’ve just been work work working. Sometimes it’s a little unnerving how settled I’ve become. I mean, I’m still young … shouldn’t I be having more fun, exploring and experiencing? I always joke that I’m like a grandmother with my cooking and crocheting and container gardening, but then again, there’s nothing really wrong with that. My plants are amazing. They don’t talk and they’re actually growing! For someone like me, who used to kill everything, my little urban balcony has become a magical urban jungle.

I have three large cherry tomato plants that rely on a lot of dowels and the balcony railings for support. They’re named A, B, and C. Then there’s a lemon tree named Elle (I used to have two—Elle and Emme—but I gave Emme to my mother). I also have some bok coy, sweet pepper plants, crookneck squash, green onion, and basil. Oh, and there’s Ollie, my olive tree. He usually lives indoors, but is spending the summer outdoors with his friends.

Unfortunately so far the only things I’ve been able to harvest are cherry tomatoes (a lot of cherry tomatoes), green onion, and bok choy. The basil is doing well, but I actually don’t use basil my my cooking. Why I didn’t decide to plant rosemary is a question for the ages.

In summary, I’ve turned into a plant lady. But ya know what? I’m okay with it. It might be all that extra oxygen in my life from all my plants, but for now, I’m pretty content with my boring life.

holiday chocolate oranges

Howdy there! It’s been a while! Last I posted, I was on my way to Columbus, Ohio, in order to spend Thanksgiving in West Virginia. Then I spent Christmas in New York. And then New Year’s in Montreal. And let me tell you: Montreal was freakin’ cold. But I did learn that “Christmas oranges” are a thing in Canada. Basically they’re those little mandarin/clementine oranges … but it’s a traditionally Christmas thing in Canada. I learned this because A) I was traveling with a Canadian who was super excited when B) our Airbnb host left us a tray of Christmas oranges.

But this is not a post about a tray full of random oranges that were devoured while we huddled together in the warmth of a very cute apartment, away from the crazily negative temperatures out in Montreal. Why were we in Montreal in the dead of winter? Long story. Anyhow, I never knew Christmas oranges were a thing until a few weeks ago, but what I look forward to every time the holidays roll around are chocolate oranges. Yum.

Smash ’em against a wall, which breaks the ‘orange’ segments from the center piece. Then enjoy the taste of orange-y flavored chocolate, which is surprisingly delicious. And somehow these things are only found at Christmas. No idea why. Maybe it’s related to the Canadian orange + Christmas combo? I don’t know. What I do know is that I bought two and ate them in two days (I really should stop eating chocolate for breakfast, but those are the perks of living alone, right?) so now I need to buy more.

Hope you had a good holiday!

blue apron v. being green

Wanna try Blue Apron?

I’ve turned downright domestic. Dear self, what was your Friday night like? Oh, nothing much, just cooked. And baked. And vacuumed. And did laundry. And re-potted my tomato plant. And planted green onions. And built a rocking chair. No joke.

Stop me now.

So. My sister gave me one of those free trials for Blue Apron, and I was like: Cool, I’ll sign up! No grocery shopping! No lugging heavy bags ! I can try new recipes! I’ll eat healthier! And it was pretty cool. The food is good, I learned new things, tried new things, and all was well.

I stuck with it for a bit, but now I’m planning to cancel the service. Why? Because Blue Apron is an extravagance. I’m not so busy that I can’t go to the grocery store, veggies and meat are far cheaper elsewhere, and there are a million and a half recipes on the world wide web. And Blue Apron’s excessive packaging drives me nuts. So much packaging! Oy. Of course the cardboard and all those plastic containers can be recycled, but you know what’s better than recycling? Not having it in the first place. Plus, that Nordic Ice gel stuff that does a great job keeping the meat cold? Blue Apron’s instructions for disposal are to empty the gel into the trash, which just makes me feel all cringe-y inside. It’s nice that everything is so well packaged to keep the food fresh (although many a tomato has been found squashed at the bottom of a package), but it’s truly excessive. No thank you. I’ll go to the grocery store.

Over the years I’ve become more eco-conscious, although I’m still a far cry from a tree-hugger. Living in the big city where there’s lots and lots of people and lots and lots of concrete, I value the environment so much more than when I was growing up, where space and fresh air were aplenty. Have you ever stood on a black asphalt street on a sweltering New York summer day and smelled the *lovely* in-your-face smell of hot piles of trash, oozing with rotting food? Yeah … well, enough of those days and you’ll start thinking that everyone needs to waste less, recycle more, and compost more. And why not? You can’t possibly be that busy not to.

eclipse revelation: what the heck am i doing?

On Monday, the moon covered the sun. Here in New York there was no full eclipse, no moment of complete darkness. As I was busily working away in the office, the world out the window seemed same ol’ same ol’. But a bunch of colleagues went to hang out on the street outside, so I joined them. And I put on a pair of those special glasses. And I saw the eclipse, the partial 71% that we got. And it looked like darkness and fire. And all I could think was: wow. Wow. And then I thought: What the heck am I doing? Was my careful editing of that marketing text really so important that I was almost going to miss the FREAKING ECLIPSE?

Some days, days like these days, I wonder: What the heck am I doing? I’ve always tended towards apathy, but it’s getting ridiculous. In a span of six years, I moved from Texas to Shanghai to New York back to Shanghai and back to New York again, all in the search of new challenges. And now? The standard answer is that I’m in New York because I love New York (and I do), and that it’s the best mix of homey Texas and chaotic Shanghai (and it is), but being in New York also means that I don’t have to anything outstanding, because there’s so much going on already that it’s easy to just go with the flow. New York means I can use words like ‘adulting’, wear nice clothes at my nice job, have a glass (or three) at French wine bars, blend with all the other aimless millennials, let all my ambitions and plans slowly fade away, and pretend that I’m right where I ought to be.

But what happened to all that other stuff? Have I *gasp* settled? No more. I’m going to revive this poor little blog. I’m going to take up freelance work. I’m going to get back into creating, shaping, thinking, writing, discussing, learning, and being out there. I’m going to be me again … the me I want to be. That’s what I’m going to do. So thank you moon, for blocking out the sun. It truly was amazing.

(Note: That’s not to say I’m going to give up wine and stop being occasionally superficial … I still am a millennial after all.)